Aging Gracefully Without Resentment
Linda has been our client for more than twenty years. In that time, she has gone from working full-time to being a very independent and active 83-year-old retiree.
As such, I was pleased when I got a phone call from her.
Linda wanted to know how to age gracefully and not burden her kids. She was proactively facing the inevitable head-on.
As we discussed this dynamic, I said there are certain “mechanical” things and other “qualitative” items to discuss.
Linda wanted to start with the mechanical.
Have a home safety audit that evaluates your bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen and yard. https://senioridy.com/senior-home-safety-modifications-the-complete-room-by-room-guide-2026/.
The highest risk area is often the bathroom. Install grab bars to ease in and out of the tub. Or install a walk-in shower. Install non-slip decals to your tub, shower and bath floor. Raise the height of the toilet and install single lever faucets.
Keep things clutter free. Remove rugs and other things that create a trip hazard. Install dusk-to-dawn lighting or motion activated lighting.
Replace doorknobs with levers.
Get a medic alert bracelet that connects directly with 911.
Next, Linda wanted to talk about her kids.
We suggested mapping out where she keeps her will, power of attorney, power of healthcare and directive to physician’s documents. Additionally, leave the name and contact information of your accountant, attorney, insurance agent and financial advisor. It is helpful to give copies of these things to your kids before they are needed. Additionally, having a list of doctors, medicines and surgeries is helpful for facilitating communication with medical professionals.
We also suggested that Linda tell her family exactly what she wanted in terms of end-of-life care.
Linda then shifted to expressing concern over burdening her kids.
To alleviate this, avoid the “duty” trap. Don’t assume one of your kids will care for you. Instead, divide the needs among family, hire professional aides or use adult day programs.
In assessing who fits where, play to their strengths. Linda has a financially minded son who lives in Dallas. Her daughter is a nurse who lives 30 miles away. The son is probably the right one to manage financial matters while the daughter coordinates medical needs.
As you assess who will help and where, allow caregivers to say “no” without a guilt trip.
It is also common to see children faced with a financial dilemma. Don’t allow them to compromise their own retirement to take care of a parent.
As with all things, effective communication is a necessity. Hold regular family meetings to discuss changing care needs.
I could tell the tension in Linda’s voice was softening. She felt better about these items but said she feels young, capable and fortunate.
This is great. A positive attitude is incredibly helpful and keeps conversations positive instead of complaining about physical limitations.
This allowed us to discuss the qualitative aspects. Although having financial resources helps significantly, many things are free. Obviously, staying healthy and engaged is paramount.
Make sure you have a full calendar and reason for getting up each day. This includes exercise with a strong emphasis on weight training and balance. Resistance bands work great as a cheap and safe alternative to pumping iron. However, being in exercise classes can motivate social engagement and offer best practices on form and intensity.
At a certain point in life, you realize you have more time behind you than in front. As such, no matter how small, slow down and take the time to enjoy each moment.
Find a reason to laugh as it reduces stress, improves memory and enhances overall wellbeing.
No matter where you are in life, take the time to enjoy it and embrace it. Don’t worry about the person you were at any other age. Embrace where you are now.
Keep your brain active by staying mentally sharp and creative. Go to the local college and take continuing education classes. Take a painting course, learn a new language or join a book club.
Invest in your relationships. Be intentional about meeting new people and contributing to existing relationships. People with a strong social network live longer, healthier lives.
As we concluded with Linda, she felt much better about having a plan. It reduced her anxiety and gave her motivation to take on even more challenges.
Dave Sather is a Certified Financial Planner and the CEO of the Sather Financial Group, Inc., a fee-only and fiduciary strategic planning and investment management firm.
