Navigating Wedding Landmines
When I was in college, I met a cute girl who made me laugh. She was incredibly smart and often obnoxious. And although she won’t publicly admit it, she has a big heart. My plan was to wait until later to get married. However, it was obvious I found the right person. Next month, Carol and I will celebrate thirty-three years together.
Like any marriage, it hasn’t always been easy and twice we have been on the brink of divorce. Fortunately, we ultimately realized no one else wanted us—so we gritted our teeth and worked it out.
The challenge of marriage requires tremendous patience and lots of give and take—especially for two stubborn people like us. Marriage is never 50/50. Most days it is 90/10 but you never know who is on each side of that math equation. Probably the best advice I ever received is that your job in a marriage is to look out for your partner and expect nothing in return. If both of you have this mindset, you increase your odds of a quality partnership.
Money is the number one reason couples split up. Money was, and is, the agitator for us. Knowing this, with wedding season upon us, engaged couples need to realize how important it is to live below their means. This starts with the wedding.
According to TheKnot.com, the average couple will spend more than $34,000 on a wedding this year—not including the honeymoon! If you are unlucky enough to marry in New York, the average cost exceeds $88,000, an average of $292 per person.
Key costs are location, size, season, age and number of vendors hired.
Going into debt for a wedding puts a huge burden upon a new marriage or their respective families.
All weddings need a realistic budget the couple sticks to. Additionally, if you can’t pay cash for it—you don’t need it.
Ask friends and family to “sponsor” wedding items—flowers, cake, the music, etc.
Shop around. My niece, Lauren, is getting married this summer. Most venues in her area of Houston cost $12,000 just for the space. Instead, she used her super sleuthing skills to find a quaint place in the hill country for a couple hundred dollars. However, one of the compromises is that her wedding will be at 10am. By shopping around, Lauren will have a great location, at an affordable price.
Similarly, a friend of mine got married at an outdoor amphitheater at a university with a rental fee of $350. The music was all original, composed and performed by friends as their gift to the bride and groom. What a great gift!
Don’t register for anything you wouldn’t buy yourself. Otherwise, you come across as taking advantage of your friends’ generosity. I’ll never forget one of our friends asking for all sterling silver flatware. Just a fork alone cost $70! They got nothing from me.
Rent a dress. Do you really want to drop an average of $2,000 for a dress you’ll wear once? Trust me, it will get crammed in the back of a closet and then you have the added expense of having it heir loomed.
Limit the pictures. The average cost of a wedding photographer is more than $4,400. If you want lots of pictures, have your guests take shots with their phones and upload them to your wedding website.
It amazes me that the average cost of wedding invitations is about $500. Go get some nice stationary and print them up at home for less than $100.
Wedding cakes average nearly $500 but run anywhere from $2.50 to $10 per slice. My guess is the $2.50 slice of cake tastes just as good, or better, than anything else.
Twenty years from now, the crystal and fine china may get used once a year. Otherwise, they are expensive dust collectors. I know I am a simpleton, but when our family comes to town it is paper plates and plastic cups. They don’t care about the china—they care about whether or not you love them and are willing to spend quality time with them.
As you evaluate the wedding planning process, just remember that the only required cost is the marriage license. These rest is just a matter of how you set your priorities.
Dave Sather is a Certified Financial Planner and the CEO of the Sather Financial Group, a “fee-only and fiduciary” strategic planning and investment management firm.
