The Ultimate Partner
The week of Mother’s Day we lost my mom. She existed to make everyone else better.
At 5 foot tall, my mom was short in physical stature. However, she was a giant in substance and providing tools for success.
My Scandinavian parents were straight out of Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon. They had this midwestern comedy routine in which my mom was funny without trying to be. My mom was Betty White on the Golden Girls. In the process, my mom raised three boys, four including my dad.
Although my dad was quite accomplished, none of that would happen without a phenomenal partner. My mom quietly ran non-stop behind my dad coordinating. She was the family’s Chief Operating Officer and Co-Chief Financial Officer. My mom also smoothed my dad’s rough edges.
Both my parents were first generation college graduates. As an immigrant family my parents knew the power and leverage of education. Although my mom graduated as Salutatorian from high school, financially she didn’t think college was possible. Fortunately, teachers stepped in to help her earn an education degree with honors.
Given this, it was not a matter of “if” we’d go to college, but rather “where.” My mom clearly understood the multiplier effect an education delivers. My mother was focused knowing if you can read and observe, you can learn. Once you can learn, you are capable of anything.
We were not rich, but my parents had logical priorities and discipline to live life on their terms. They did without to ensure the next generation had more opportunities. If you put the needs of others first, great things happen.
That did not mean college was given. Half of money received for birthdays, Christmas or from jobs were contributed to our college funds. My parents wanted high levels of buy-in.
Typical of her generation, once children arrived mom left the classroom and stayed home to raise us. However, she didn’t stay still. For fifteen plus years, my mom ran the house and a private tutoring business. She tutored every afternoon, got dinner on the table and then helped with homework . She also chauffeured to little league, scouts, and other activities.
My mom specialized in kids with learning disabilities long before many had a formal diagnosis. As such, she had a constant waiting list to be her student.
My mother’s research taught her about the Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation and aptitude testing. If not for my mom’s guidance in this direction, I never would have found the business world. I can only imagine what a mess my life would be.
When we were young my mom drove for Meals on Wheels. At each destination, we were responsible for delivering the meal and interacting with the shut-in. This taught valuable lessons about charity, compassion and reliability.
Once in elementary school, my mom taught us to set an alarm, make breakfast, pack a lunch and get to school. Once tall enough to reach the controls on the washer and dryer, we accepted that responsibility too, with only a few pink loads in the process.
Growing up, there was no allowance or participation trophies. Instead, there were endless jobs. There were weeds to pull, lawns to mow and cars to wash. If you wanted money, go earn it. However, we were not overnight business moguls. To teach a good Scandinavian work ethic, we pulled weeds at fifty cents a pound. In the process, I’m sure my parents violated many child labor laws.
This taught independence, hard work and money management skills.
My parents were married 67 years and successfully operated from one checkbook. Being typical of their upbringing, they were “financially retentive.”
They spent less than they made, always saving for a rainy day. Cabinets were full of salvaged rubber bands, recycled containers, sandwich bags and aluminum foil. It’s amazing what happens when experiencing tings like the Great Depression and World War II. It permanently shapes you.
Once my parents were able, they invested in the education of others via endowed scholarships.
The things my mom excelled in aren’t celebrated by society. No one posts on Instagram, “I spent less than I made today” or “I embraced delayed gratification.” But the quiet things matter. My mom always let us know we were loved, even as she successfully battled a brain tumor and breast cancer.
My mom embodied kindness, love, structure, discipline and frugality. These commonsense efforts quietly grow like compound interest delivering exponential benefits and success to society. Happy Mother’s Day mom.